Red heart vs Dark heart
One of the boys was having a lot of testing Monday. One thing was an ultrasound (US).
While the tech was performing the US "the child" kept asking if she could see his heart. She quickly showed him; we saw a dark blob with chambers pumping away, and then she got back to business.
He was quiet for a little while then asked to see it again.
"Can you do my heart? What color is my heart? Is it red? Is my heart red?"
The tech said, yup see, it's right there showing him again. See the blood flowing?
Child: But is it red??
Tech: yup
Child: but is it really red?
Tech: it's kind of a pink color.
We started catching on that there was some anxiety about the color. And of course an US is in black and white. He was confused and getting anxious. So she turned on the color so he could see the blood flow to and front the heart, red and blue. "See there, red!"
Child: (quietly to himself) phew, it's red, I'm a good guy. Then he looked again to be sure.
Me: Yes, look at that, it's really red, you have a very good heart, I knew it! And I squeezed his shoulder to reassure him, he still looked dubious and off in his own world for a few minutes while he thought it through.
Beaver and I sat there in awe of his thought process. Can you imagine wondering if your heart were good or bad? Scared that maybe you are not a "good guy?" That maybe you aren't worth loving or keeping! Man, somedays this parenting stuff is heavy!
Tonight when I tucked him in he was talking about mistakes and I said, yup,we are all learning even us adults make mistakes and that's how we learn sometimes, we all make mistakes. He chimed in "except God he doesn't make mistakes." I said "no, He doesn't and He loves us very much and is faithful even when we make mistakes". He said, "yup, and we can trust him, right?!" "Yup," I said, "he's always trustworthy." "Yup and everyone trusts him," he said. I said well, not everyone has learned to trust Him yet. He was shocked! "Why not?" I explained about how God loves us so much He gave us free will to choose for ourselves. I thought it was a little too much but he really seemed to get it!
Love that kid....sooooo praying we can make a difference! That God will help us heal the disconnects that often deregulate him and rebuild what is broken.
