"Update"

Our lives have been turned upside down in the past three months.  WOW!  We never would have imagined the trials and triumphs we were in for.

 

“The System” Without going into much detail we have been in power struggle after power struggle with the Department of Humans Services (DHS) and counties (county of responsibility versus county of residence). To date we have yet to get the resources we need to help the boys truly be successful.  This slows down the adoption process. As times goes on our patience with “the system” has grown thin. 

 

“Us” Sadly, it has also affected us as a couple and put a strain in our relationship.  Now that we recognize this, we are working together to be more purposeful about connecting and being on the same page.

 

“The Boys” – flat out they are struggling, and we are really learning to do a 360 in how we parent them, to teach them, love them, and keep them safe.  It is very hard and the this situations we are placed in are very overwhelming.

 

“The Need”  - We need prayer!

 

Specifically:  “The system” (are the quotation marks getting annoying?? They are to me a little bit but I’m on a role with them now, lol!!) So, the part of the “the system” that “owns” this case is trying to sell it.  This would mean that we would be free of DHS that has been a huge source of frustration and holding us back. We did not know this was possible and just hearing that this could happen is such a relief – please pray it happens and soon.  This will allow us to have better access to the help we need. 

 

“The Boys”, pray for them to continue open up and that they learn to deal with grief and trauma in positive ways.

 

“US” – Pray that we continue to learn to put each other first, to die to self, to have grace and understanding for each other, and that we learn improved communication. Pray that we can be the best parents we can be for these boys.  We are almost to our breaking point – please pray for renewed spirit.

 

“THE PRAISE” – God has begun a great work in all of us. Between the trials we have some fun times as a family and are still learning a lot about each other and adjusting.  We are learning a TON. We have friends and family that love on us and hold us up in prayer, THANK YOU!  

 

Red Heart

Red heart vs Dark heart

One of the boys was having a lot of testing Monday. One thing was an ultrasound (US). 

While the tech was performing the US "the child" kept asking if she could see his heart. She quickly showed him; we saw a dark blob with chambers pumping away, and then she got back to business. 

He was quiet for a little while then asked to see it again. 

"Can you do my heart? What color is my heart? Is it red? Is my heart red?" 

The tech said, yup see, it's right there showing him again. See the blood flowing? 

Child: But is it red?? 

Tech: yup

Child: but is it really red?

Tech: it's kind of a pink color. 

We started catching on that there was some anxiety about the color. And of course an US is in black and white. He was confused and getting anxious. So she turned on the color so he could see the blood flow to and front the heart, red and blue. "See there, red!" 

Child: (quietly to himself) phew, it's red, I'm a good guy. Then he looked again to be sure. 

Me: Yes, look at that, it's really red, you have a very good heart, I knew it! And I squeezed his shoulder to reassure him, he still looked dubious and off in his own world for a few minutes while he thought it through. 

Beaver and I sat there in awe of his thought process. Can you imagine wondering if your heart were good or bad? Scared that maybe you are not a "good guy?" That maybe you aren't worth loving or keeping! Man, somedays this parenting stuff is heavy! 

Tonight when I tucked him in he was talking about mistakes and I said, yup,we are all learning even us adults make mistakes and that's how we learn sometimes, we all make mistakes. He chimed in "except God he doesn't make mistakes." I said "no, He doesn't and He loves us very much and is faithful even when we make mistakes". He said, "yup, and we can trust him, right?!" "Yup," I said, "he's always trustworthy." "Yup and everyone trusts him," he said. I said well, not everyone has learned to trust Him yet. He was shocked! "Why not?" I explained about how God loves us so much He gave us free will to choose for ourselves. I thought it was a little too much but he really seemed to get it! 

Love that kid....sooooo praying we can make a difference! That God will help us heal the disconnects that often deregulate him and rebuild what is broken.

Celebrating Week One!

Wanted to bring you an update.  It has been one week!!  Wow, so hard to believe it’s only been a week. We certainly are feeling like new parents....we are in awe of these gifts with which we have been entrusted and we are exhausted!! :)

On Facebook (FB), you may have seen the highlights of our times times together so far!! From visits to the library, to time with friends and family, swimming, jet skis, and more.  We are so excited to be able to share them, it helps us feel connect to our friends and family all over the states and overseas. Thanks you for following along on our journey and for your prayers, keep ‘em coming!

I want to be transparent.  On FB we see all the wonderful shining moments and can lose sight of the reality of the situation we are in.  While yes it is wonderful we are also dealing with two broken boys who have been at the mercy of a broken system for several years.  It is hard. It is exhausting. It tries our patience. Honestly, it is also quite overwhelming at times. We are learning so much!! We have to be so consistent, this alone is daunting, as many parents know, it takes team work. We have been learning each other’s areas of strengths and weakness and when to come alongside the other to take over or give the other time to take a shower or just to go potty in peace. Seriously!! :)  

Sorry this is long you can skim it, but I wanted to journal it for myself as well as to share.  Since I have felt so overwhelmed I thought I would journal about how much we have to CELEBRATE!!!

Celebrating these young open hearts: There are many amazing moments that just melt your heart.  They are opening up, they are sharing their hurts and we are able to guide them through, pointing them to Christ and towards the many people in their “village” who love them and are praying for all of us. They are also at times lashing out and do not even understand why. We are privileged to helping them through this time. They understand the rules and boundaries we are setting are to help them grow into good men who love and respect their Lord as well as other people. The case workers thought it would take months to a year to get to this point where they are trusting us.  

Celebrating friends: Our friends have been tremendously understanding. The boys are very outspoken and socially awkward. But they have goals to make friends and they are trying hard to do so. It takes time, and understanding and learning from natural consequences. For example, growling in someone’s face does not a friend make. It’s awesome that you can make that tremendous noise, but not so awesome to the kid you just freaked out! They have also been understanding that the boys need to look to us as providers and learn to trust that we will meet their needs.  Some day the boys will know of all those who blessed us with gifts but for now they just need to know they have no needs, they are safe, and people love them.  Thanks friends!!

Celebrating “the blessing” we were given as children: This blessing of unconditional love and acceptance has been absent for them. So, there is a constant need to know that we are here, we are not leaving, they are loved. There are constant, “I love you’s,” hugs, kisses, and times when they ask to be held and/or rocked.  

Celebrating progress: There are many areas we anticipate to see progress in as we go for now a big one is the bedtime process. Bedtime routine is down from 3 hours to about 1 hour and we have figured out pretty good process of reassurance yet boundaries as time goes on we anticipate this will improve even more.

Celebrating their past: the boys have soft hearts they really care for others and especially for animals. They have a foundation of knowing the Jesus story and understanding who He is and what He has done.

Celebrating humorous moments: There are moments that just crack us up. For example, last night at dinner when one was praying it went like this:

“Dear Lord, we thank you Lord, for this day Lord and for this dinner Lord. Lord please be with my brother help him to be calm and have a good night Lord and have fun with his rock crystal kit. Lord help me to get past the Pokemon level that I am struggling with Lord, and Lord (INSERT me busting up laughing....I tried keeping it in, but it just cracked me up and I couldn't help it...perhaps at some level it is due to the exhaustion...anyway, that took some explaining that I just thought it was cute and then we were back to the prayer) and so Lord be with us and give us a good night Lord, Amen. Father, Son, Holy Spirit”

Then just a few minutes ago the other one came downstairs completely covered in duct tape...not sure where he found it but he made himself a costume. A costume that, to his surprise, was painful to remove especially from the eyebrows and lips and hair.  Oh my goodness, I thought he was going to suffocate himself under all that tape. 

Celebrating moments to learn and educate: There are also moments of miscommunication:  Due to the nature of autism as well as the lack of toys and things growing up, one of the behaviors we work with is collecting things. Often wrappers on the ground, various brochures or business cards they find or little stones etc...buckets of this were tossed before they came to live with us. To help curb this in our home Beaver gave each boy a small basket for their treasures and explained that when the basket is full they have to be done or throw the things away before collecting more.  Both boys solemnly accepted the baskets but never said a word. We soon learned that somewhere something was lost in translation. The baskets were soon brimming with legos, swim shoes, remote control car, etc... They had thought the only toys they were allowed to keep had to fit in the baskets.  Ooops! I think they were quite relieved to have that miscommunication cleared up!!

They are learning to cook and measure ingredients, how to look at prices,  shop for, and clean and chop fruits and vegetables. They are learning about opera, history, art, and more...it’s so fun - they are like sponges..most of the time!! :) 

Celebrating A: This is one smart kid! He is learning to be more open-minded and accepting.  He is searching for where he fits into the world and the family. He is such a good helper.  On projects he can really take his time to get them done right and is a problem solver. He craves attention, acknowledgment, and love.

Celebrating D: What a loving little boy.  Quite insecure and needing constant reassurance, love, guidance, and redirection.  He is giving and caring, he is often alone as too much action overwhelms him easily.  He loves God and listens diligently in church even when it looks like he isn’t. He is busy 99.9% of the time! 

Celebrating Family: We are all learning together how to be a family and work through hurts, learn to have a sense of humor (important for any child of ours!! Lol!!), learn that there will always be food and plenty of it, learning that families share, that just because we all may make poor choices at times, we still love each other and we are still a family.

Celebrating God’s continued good work: Please continue to pray for us although this is tough,  we have absolutely ZERO regrets and we have no second thoughts.  We know God placed these two boys in our lives and we are so very blessed!!

Celebrating YOU: thank you for your love and support. For those who listen without judgement and for those who give us advice, we know you have been there and we are taking bits and pieces from each one and it is shaping us as parents and partners in crime!! :)

Celebrating our Lord: because He is in all of this and goes before us preparing the way....phew!!! :)

BIG News!!!!

We received the approval today from the State of Michigan!!!!!!  The boys will move in as soon as we can get it arranged!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

WHOOT WHOOT!!!

 

LOTS OF TEARS OF JOY TODAY!!!

We cannot wait to tell them tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my goodness, oh my goodness!!! So excited!!!!!!!

Soon...isn't SOON enough!

Many have asked us when the boys will be with us permanently the answer is: 

All of the paperwork has been sent in to the State of Michigan and we are just waiting for approval.  As soon as we hear that we are approved, the boys could technically move in that day.  However, I do think it will take a day or so to get make it happen.

The typical wait is about 45 days, this takes us into July. Our June 15th date is not looking promising.  However, we are so impressed with Bethany - they got done in less than 30 day what it took the other agency almost 2 years to accomplish! YAHOO!!!

Tonight we had Family Therapy.  We were each given a drawing of a heart and a brain, after explanation of the differences between thoughts and feelings we had to write down three things that we think about a lot or worry about and three things we are feeling.

The outcome is that the boys are HAPPY to have a family, ready to all us MOM & DAD, EXCITED to be moving in soon, ANXIOUS about some of the changes taking place. Their thoughts and feelings almost exactly matched our own and we learned a lot about each others thoughts and feelings.

So, thank you for asking, the answer is: SOON. 

The kids ask us too....and we tell them SOON.

Soon we tell them...but we all are feeling it....soon just isn't SOON ENOUGH!!

Date Update

We have to tell you that working with Bethany Christian Services has been WONDERFUL!!  They are just so on the ball, organized, supportive and all out AMAZING!! So happy we switched.  We also learned the other agency completed out paperwork in the wrong format and once to the state would have been denied, and who knows when the boys would have been able to move in?!  God is good for providing wise council and ability to quickly switch to Bethany.

What now?: Everything is already done and in!!!!! Can you believe it?? What we worked months on was completed in less than a month!  So now Bethany just has to finish up the forms and they plan to submit them by May 30^th. 

When:  Initial movie in date of June 15^th is still possible but unlikely. The adoption worker has seen the process take 10 days in miraculous occasions, but we are more realistically hoping for June 30^th.

Other updates: Hannah’s friends from work had a kid shower for us and it was incredibly thoughtful, supportive, and encouraging!!  Hannah’s personal note: I can hardly believe I have known these ladies for less than two years and yet they feel so much like family and such a key part of our “Village!” LOVE THEM!!  As a "mom-to-be" I truly felt like I had the experience of a baby shower as I sat there unwrapping Legos, a football, books, etc…it was so cool, I loved listening to other’s advice and feeling their support.  I felt love and excitement in air for us!!

At family therapy we each had to say in thing we like about each other. The youngest child said he liked me because, "she has a good heart and takes good care if us and makes good dinners." About Beaver he said, "he has a good sense if humor and makes me laugh."

We are certainly learning together every time we are together!  The adoption worker said she thought they would need longer to adjust but now sees they are really bonding and ready to move in...pray the paperwork goes through quickly!! They so need stability and consistent environment!

A baker's dozen of important lessons learned this week.

1. When it has been raining, check the playground slide before allowing the child to slide down…unless it’s a lot warmer and he’s not wearing jeans. We all got a good LAUGH out of this one.
2. Being “Soccer Parents” means you SECRETLY hope children on the other team fail, and you want to smack the "parental sideline coaches…hard!”
3. Make everyone pee before leaving home….having to pee is a very CONVENIENT excuse to make pit stops in order to beg for pop and candy.
4. Find BORING pit stops (see number 3)
5. Kid hugs are AWESOME!
6. When a 9 year old boy runs around to open your car door, your heart MELTS!
7. If you torment the goose enough, it will eventually CHASE you, If you scream, run, and throw your back pack at said goose, it will snatch it up and take it to the middle of the pond and drop it in!
8. Four shoes without laces equals the number of times a boy has made a lace/stick fishing poles in HOPES to catch a big one down at the creek.
9. After much hurt, trust takes time…glimpses of it are SWEET!
10. The "Honeymoon Period” was short and sweet. Despite the trials and testing children are scared, hurting, and LONGING for love and acceptance.
11. The sound of little boy giggles is DELIGHTFUL!!
12. It takes a village - Village, you know who you all are and we THANK YOU!!!
13. Being a parent is fun, scary, emotional, tough, exciting, humbling, fantastic, and EXHAUSTING…..good night friends and fellow villagers! 

XO, H&B

Big Change

As many of you know, we have had such a frustrating adoption journey with our present adoption agency. The final straw has broken the proverbial camels back! 

With much thought, prayers, and good reliable council we have decided to change agencies. We will be going with Bethany Christian Services. As soon as we made this decision we felt a huge weight lift off our shoulders. 

They understand and have seen the hardships we have experienced and are already coming alongside us to ease the way!! 

FAQs: 

1) During the transition we are still able to see the boys!

2) Since the boys are already with this agency they get to remain with their same therapists, doctors, and adoption worker instead of having to switch once placed in our home.

3) The move in date will probably be held up a bit from our original date. However, since the other agency has done nothing with our file we would have been changing the date regardless.  We are still praying for June 15th but understand that may not happen. 

4) We will have increased support, communication, and advocacy with the new agency! 

We continue to trust God is in control and want to glorify Him in all we do! We covet your prayers and positive thoughts!!  

Casting cares on a Him...

Well, we learned that since they didn't start it yet, the needed paperwork will not be started until after May 1st due to new process starting. This oversight has the potential to set us back another month...still praying towards our original date, June 15th!! 

Please pray with us!

We need prayers! We just learned, last evening, that the adoption agency had done nothing with our paperwork to get the kids in June! They started today and it can take several weeks to complete, we just want to cry! We are so disappointed in their poor handling of this whole situation! The most disappointing thing is the delay two little boys who need to be home where we can start being a family, and we can provide love and consistency for them. 

We have done all we can do and it seems we are helplessly at their mercy, it is frustrating. Then, I remember we are NOT powerless!! We have the power of Christ through prayer and belief that He can and will be faithful to complete that which He has begun! 

We have seen His faithfulness over and over throughout this process.   

Please pray with us toward June 15th, that the paperwork and approval will be completed.

We thank you, friends and family for your generosity in supporting us through this land of the unknown.  

Gifts from the Target Registry, Clothes, Shoes, Coats - AMAZING.....Prayer, advice, and encouragement, PRICELESS!!

Thank you, Thank you! 

Beaver and Hannah

PS: Since this is a public blog, we will not be sharing names or photos of the kids here. :)

This event has been cancelled.

It was disappointing that the fundraiser had to be cancelled due to venue and other complications - but we know God will meet needs in other ways.

Adoption Shower/Fund Raiser Event!

What: Pancake Breakfast, Silent (or not so silent) Auction, and 50/50 Raffle

When:  April 12, 2014

Where: Frontline Church - 4411 Plainfield Avenue NE, Grand Rapids, MI 49525

Who: Please RSVP to: WildesTrumbleAdoption@gmail.com if you plan to attend or would like to donate an auction item.

How: Several of their friends have let us know that they are not able to make it to the Benefit event but still would like to participate in some way. We have set up, through PayPal, a link for donations.

These funds will help to things like purchase:

Mattresses
Lumber to make bunk beds and desks
A light fixture/lamp
Clothes and Toys


Auction Items:

Origami owl pendant and bracelet (Auntie Melissa....the crazy Aunt)
Wine and Cheese Basket
Amazing Homemade Apple Pies (from Grandma)
Wonderful Homemade candle (From Auntie CJ, Hannah's little sister who is also adopted)
Pretty Homemade pillows ( From Meme)
Gift Cards
Lovely Homemade Purses (Made with love by a friend of the Trumbles)
Free High School Tutoring in Math or Chemistry (Uncle Bob - must live in the area :)
and much much more...

Divinely ours!

Not bone of our bone
 nor flesh of our flesh,
divinely ours!